The Main Character Gets Rejected [Fictoid]

“The front office called,” the producer said.

J. Clive Revel looked up from his make-up mirror.  The producer never realized he was looking at an Oscar worthy performance as Revel kept his cool despite his heart pounding away.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah, really.  They want you to go talk to them.”

Well, it can’t be about my appearance in this film, he thought.  Nonetheless, he approached the studio chief’s office with no small trepidation.

“Hey, howya doin’?” the studio chief said in a genial tone, gesturing to the popcorn maker in the corner.  “Want some?”

Carefully coached, Revel said, “No, but thank you.”  It was bad ju-ju to take the popcorn, very bad indeed.

“Lissen, uh, Revel, is it?  Yeah, that’s right.  Look, we’re replacing you as the lead in Rhythm In Shampoo.”

Revel’s heart turned to ice but he feigned a yawn of indifference.  “Really?  Why?”

“It’s not like we take a vote on this kinda thing,” said the studio chief.  “There’s a precise science to it.  We tested you with the audience and, well, they didn’t like you.

“No, that’s not fair.  They liked you just fine, they couldn’t stand the character you played.”

“So now what?” Revel asked.

“Now we give you your freedom,” said the studio chief.  “Toodle-loo.  Best of luck.  Ta-ta.”

“May I ask who’s replacing me?  Welles?  Olivier?”

“Poont-Poont.”

“Poont-Poont?!?!?”  Revel’s cool demeanor crashed.  “He’s a freak!  A baboon with blue hair!”

“Yeah,” said the studio chief.  “But he’s our freak.

“And he doesn’t hog the popcorn.”

© Buzz Dixon