She Rules The Night And Rues The Day [FICTOID]

“How did you find me?” the golden empress asked.

The solicitor tugged at the too tight collar around his neck.  “Well…discovery, y’know.  Whenever there’s a lawsuit both sides are compelled to share evidence and testimony with one another.”

“That’s in your jurisdiction,” said the empress.  “I am my own jurisdiction.  Everything on the planet, I control -- including knowledge of my existence.”

“I’d think you’d want to be known.”

“Human, please.  And have a bunch of deranged followers like Brahman and Yahweh?  Go ask them how they feel about going public.”

“Well…that’s kind of a problem.  See, they haven’t made an appearance in a couple of thousand years…”

“Precisely my point.  You humans are a damned embarrassment.  And now, despite all my best efforts, you’ve found me.”

“All I did was look up the address on the website.”

“Which website?”

“A subsidiary of a subsidiary of an offshore holding company.  See, we’re trying to prove -- “

“I couldn’t care less what you’re trying to prove, I want to know who in my organization was lazy enough to leave a link to me in the open.  Stand still while I probe your mind.”

The solicitor stood still as the golden empress mentally probed him.  It felt exactly the opposite of a swift kick to the groin and left a peculiar taste of chocolate in his mouth.

“Oh, that bunch,” the golden empress said with weary over-familiarity.  “Heads are going to roll -- not really, don’t give me that look.  Just a figure of speech.”

The solicitor cleared his throat.  “There’s still the matter of discovery…”

“We’ll settle,” said the empress.  “When I probed your mind I found you’re one of the few lawyers who can be trusted to keep a non-disclosure agreement.  Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you in exchange for your signing a NDA about my existence.”

“Certainly,” said the solicitor, handing over a document to the empress.  “Here’s our filing.”

The golden empress quickly scanned the document then peered over the top of her diamond lens spectacle. “Seriously?” she said.  “You couldn’t have just taken this to small claims court?”

© Buzz Dixon