so maybe there was this little boy and maybe he wasn’t one of them
but was one of them
(you know: nigger kike dago spick mick slant gook cracker)
and it didn’t matter that his mother -- -- ‘scuse, please, adoptive mother -- -- was rich and famous and powerful
he was still one of them
and nobody liked him
because they had to treat him like he was one of them instead
…at least while his mom was looking
and maybe this little boy knew they didn’t love him
and maybe he knew they didn’t love him either,
because both “theys” thought of him as one of “them”
so no matter where he stood
he stood outside
and maybe his adoptive mother’s people
their children
maybe they said to him, “Well, we can like you, we could like you, we would like you and let you play with us, if…”
if? if?
[giggle] “If you suck our dicks.”
and the little boy
the poor, scared, lonely little boy
he was so eager to belong
belong anywhere that he swallowed drily and agreed and at the wall behind the palace where nobody was looking he got down on his knees and he sucked them off
and then maybe one of them said “Now let us stick our dicks in your bum”
and he didn’t want to do that, this little boy, but he was so desperate, so lonely, so afraid of never belonging anywhere
that he agreed and bent over and grit his teeth as they took turns with him
and when it was over
as he was wiping the tears from his eyes
tears of pain and shame (and the shame burned hottest)
he asked, “Am I one of you now? Do I belong?”
and they laughed
and called him names
and kicked him and beat him
and told him if he ever told his adoptive mother
that she would hate him for shaming himself
and she would never ever love him again
and she would kick him out
and they would hold him in contempt
and beat him
and rape him
and treat him like the piece of shit he was
so he never told
and he suffered in silence
and he let it grow and fester and eat away at his soul
and as he got older he tried to reach out to the other them
but they would have no part of him
(because, after all, he was one of them)
and one day he saw one of his adoptive mother’s people
beating one of them
and the memories and shame came flooding back
and he killed that man
and he felt strangely good about it
thinking, Now I have done something that they will appreciate
Now they will see I really am one of them
Now they will accept me
but the very next day
when he tried to stop a dispute among his birth people from escalating into a fight
they said, “What are you going to do, kill us if we don’t obey you?”
and terrified --
-- THEY KNEW!!! --
-- he ran
because his adoptive mother couldn’t protect him
and her people would love to have a chance to put him in his place (little upstart)
so he ran and ran and ran
until miles away
he fell down in the sand
and wept as he had never wept before
and cried and howled in anguish
and hated those who had abused him raped him
and swore that if ever -- EVER! -- he had the chance to dictate the rules
he would see that bastards who raped frightened lonely children would die die DIE!!!
and he would punish them!
and he would hurt them!
and he would never EVER let another man do what had been done to him
(never really understanding that what they did was rape and had nothing to do with genuine love or affection)
maybe this little boy never existed
or maybe he did
and maybe this never happened to him
or maybe it did
or maybe something like it
(c) Buzz Dixon