The Discoveries Of Dinklefish [FICTOID]

Dinklefish, the Instagram influencer followed by everybody who is anybody (and everybot that is anybot) recently returned from a trip to the parallel Soviet Union. 

“It's so much nicer a place than dreary old Russia,” Dinklefish said.  “Good thing they shot Stalin as soon as Lenin died, replacing the leadership of the Soviet Union was far less paranoid and far more pragmatic commissars.”  Dinklefish displayed several souvenirs upon their return:  A universal health care card (“Good anywhere on the planet – sorry, only available in the parallel little world,” said Dinklefish), kimchi flavored caviar (“A wonderful culinary collaboration between the Soviets and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.”), and a silver GIF (“It's pronounced ‘GIF’ with a hard ‘G’ over there,” explained Dinklefish, “not ‘JIF’ because ‘duh’.”)

The silver GIF deserves special attention. 

Unlike our world, the Soviets in the parallel world managed to overcome the technical problems that plagued their attempts to create a ternary computer. 

While computers in our world use a binary system of 1 (positive charge) or 0 (negative charge), the parallel Soviets ternary system uses 1 (positive), 0 (negative), and X (no charge). 

As a result computing power is vastly improved but more importantly people in the parallel world do not think in an extreme polarized “either / or”  “yes / no” fashion but rather a far more nuanced “yes / no / maybe” point of view. 

The silver GIF is a product of such computer science.  It appears to be a small flat square 8cm by 8cm and 4mm thick.  It feels far heavier than it should due to the complex nanotechnology and rechargeable battery embedded within. 

The sides are unadorned, the back flat and featureless.  The front, however, sports millions of tiny nodules that turn black when charged. 

This permits a very detailed moving image to be stored.  The image is silent and in black and white, of course, but nonetheless shows beloved Soviet clown Yuri Nikulin in a lengthy comedy scene helping Serge Brukhonenko and Vladimir Demikhov with their canine head transplantation experiments. 

This, of course, is a comedic view of what really happened, how Brukhonenko and Demikhov’s experiments coupled with those of Ivan Pavlov created the near perfect Soviet Union Dinklefish visited. 

Admittedly it is odd that the leaders of this near perfect Soviet Union all sport dog heads mounted atop their own craniums, but dogs are morally and ethically superior to humans in all ways and thanks to Pavlov conditioning feel rewarded every time they help the citizens of the Soviet Union so who's to say this is a bad system?

Certainly not Dinklefish.

© Buzz Dixon